Stranger Than Fiction

Sugarman and I have out of town for a week, so I’ve been a little out of touch with the goin’s on here at the beach. When I opened my e-mail this morning, I had a message that stated that the insurance adjuster was coming to the church and would be met by the cleaning and repair crews. Hmmmm? I knew nothing about it – which really doesn’t matter, except for the fact that I’m Chair of the Administrative Council, and probably ought to know when the church has been vandalized. (Perhaps I shouldn’t leave town?)

Anyhow…here’s the scoop. For sure, the truth in this case is indeed, “stranger than fiction” (as my good friend Fo used to say!). A couple of nights ago, a naked guy – high on drugs – broke into the church and “couldn’t get out.” Well, as the next logical step, he took the fire extinguisher off the wall and began to spray it all over the sanctuary and hallways (of course, what else would he do?). He also turned on the water faucets, flooding the church, and used the church office as a bathroom.

In the early morning, our preacher came into the church to get a few things done before heading over to the hospital where his four-year-old son was about to have surgery, and came upon this somewhat deranged individual.

Here’s where the story gets a little fuzzy. Somehow, the preacher got the sheriff, and they cornered the still naked guy in the pastor’s study, and handcuffed him.

They led him out of the building, parading the naked, handcuffed, wet, and still dazed fellow out of the building, in front of our “low impact” (meaning age 60+) ladies’ exercise class.

Dang. I always miss the good stuff. I’m gonna have to stay in town more.